Stop Crucifying Your Present Mate When they didn’t Inflict the Wound
Let me start off by saying, it is not acceptable to make someone suffer for something they had nothing to do with. So, you got hurt from a prior mate and now EVERYONE after has to feel the wrath of your pain. Ummm…nooo! The real world does not work that way. This post is not just for the women, it is for man and woman alike. Read the real story below (Names have been changed to protect my friends) 🙂
Priscilla met John, a banker working on Wall Street. They met online on a popular dating website in November of 2012. After a week of back and forth emails and flirty text messages, they decided to meet face to face. When they met there was immediate attraction, I mean the birds were chirping and the violin playing (look, that’s how she told it). Anyway, he whined and dined her during the course of their dating. After two months, she decided she wanted to have that TALK we woman always feel the need to have. I mean, honestly, men hate the TALK. Why hasn’t anyone told woman to cut the crap. No man, I mean, no man, wants to feel like his back is against the wall. Literally, when we spring the TALK on them, they run and retreat to their caves (read the book Men are from Mars & Women are from Venus). Priscilla wanted to ask John where is this going? It was only two months, why are you having the TALK now?
John was very honest, as most mature men are. He told her that I like you but I am not in the business of rushing anything. Besides, I am enjoying things the way they are, going with the flow has been working thus far. In his mind he felt like it was a great talk and they continued to have dinner and cocktails at their fave restaurant (which he owned). Well, when she got home she decided that was the last time she was going to see him. Priscilla felt, she was wasting time with a man that did not want to commit. Let’s stop for a second and review what John said. He simply said, that he wanted to continue to allow their relationship to manifest in a natural way, no forcing, but simply going with the flow. This woman felt that was not enough for her.
Days turned to weeks and weeks to months. She did not return his calls for a while. He was confused and even reached out to her closest friend whom he had met. Even her close friend was confused and could not provide him with any meaningful explanation. John moved on and began dating again but he reached out to her one last time. He wanted to make sure he could walk away with some kind of clarity and closure. She answered and they finally spoke. After their chat, he walked away happy that he dodged a bullet (that bullet was a relationship with her). You see, the reason why she cut John off so abruptly was because she had a horrible past experience. She dated a man for three years who never made a commitment, even after living with him for two of those years. She walked away from that relationship feeling like she had wasted three precious years of her life. Therefore, she promised that every man after that relationship would never waste her time again. Honestly, I can understand her stand point but clearly, she is a bit warped in her mindset. The talk she had with John was too soon, it would have been fine after six months but not two. How can you put John in the same category as a man you lived with and dated for three years?!
People, just because someone else did not give you what you wanted, does not give you the right to make someone else pay for their mistakes. Also, take whatever lesson you learned from it and use it to your advantage. Why are you making your new partner suffer for someone else’s doing? Stop!!! If you don’t stop you will find yourself by yourself and wondering why you are alone & lonely. You are not meant to be with everybody. Some people truly come into your life for a reason, season, and others a lifetime.
In sum, enjoy the person you are dating and allow your friendship to manifest in a natural way. Let a man be a man and you focus on being a woman. Men feel like roles are reversed when we want to take control of the relationship and spring on them the TALK. Be easy ladies and let a man lead. Men are meant to lead and pursue. We are not competing people. Let’s work on leaving the pass in the pass and focus on the present. Let me reiterate, stop crucifying your present mate, when they did not inflict upon you the wound. If you are that wounded then maybe dating is not what you should be doing now.
Thanks for reading and I hope if not all but some of this helps.
2 thoughts on “Stop Crucifying Your Present Mate When they didn’t Inflict the Wound”
October 10, 2013 at 8:16 pm
This was so nicely written K, I so love it. What great advice for us women and men. I’m so happy I waited two years to learn about myself after my break up of six years from my ex. I was so heartbroken, lost and felt so worthless, but I gathered myself together got on my feet again, then told myself that I wasn’t going to take my past into my next relationship, and now I’ve been doing just great with my new boo of three months now. I’m enjoying him wining and dining me, and becoming great friends too. I’m so enamored with him.. Hehe!! Have a great one K
October 13, 2013 at 4:05 pm
Thank you Jaela,
I really appreciate your support and for taking the time to read it. I really appreciate how you opened up to me, upon our first meeting. I am looking forward to getting to know you and happy for the growth you have seen in your life. I am happy you have a nice guy that values you.