Conversations with Khemeka B: Would I Date Me Series **Recap**
If there was one question you would ask the opposite sex, what would it be? Here are a few that came up in planning this event:
Do you believe in the institution of marriage? Would you stay with your mate if they cheated on you? Would you marry someone who had BAD credit? Do you want children? How long do you wait before intercourse? Does courting still exist?
Let’s skip all the questions and get to the meat and potatoes.
On a chilly Saturday afternoon, January 17th, to be exact. A group of about fifty people, age ranging from 20- 50’s, gathered to discuss some of these topics; keeping it 100. The event took place at Bed-Vyne Brew, one of Bedford Stuyvesant’s hot spots. The room was electric and filled with some sophisticated, spunky, and charismatic personalities. One in particular was radio personality, Humble Prince. He tried to take a more tamed approached but he brought his snarky and ginormous personality. He made a few new friends but a few frenemies were created as well. However, he didn’t mind, as he is accustomed to ruffling feathers wherever he goes.
He brought along a friend, who had never heard of “Courting”, which was the first topic of discussion. As, Pierre described, “I’ve spent 39 years dating and have not much to show from it. If I had known more about this ‘Courting’, maybe I would be married with kids now. But…today, I learned something new. Courting is going to be my NEW approach going forward. chuckles”
The topic was, “Does courting still exist?” and most people in the room felt it was a thing of the past. Others felt that it was hard to decipher the difference between “dating” and “courting”. There is a significant difference. As Dennis described, “I dated, then courted my wife. Dating comes before courtship. You have to date the person before you know if you want to court the person. Courting is the step before commitment and in most cases it should lead to marriage. I was not going to court someone that I couldn’t see myself settling down with. I must admit in the beginning my wife resisted me courting her. However, with time, she was able to see that I was in it for the long haul. Once she knew my love for her was real, the rest is history. We have been happily married for 3 years now. Women need to stop saying that ‘courting is a thing of the past’ maybe they need to learn the difference so they can decipher the two.”
The room digested what Dennis said but the next topic was going to be equally interesting. Mr. Prosperity Unlimited, CEO, Kevin Ferere got the room buzzing. The second topic was, “Women who hustle relationships” because they are in fear of being alone. They settle for ordinary, instead of extraordinary because their 1.) biological clocks are running out, 2.) Fear of being alone so they settle for anyone that will have them. 3.) They don’t really love the guy but he can financially support them. These women tend to get into relationships for all the wrong reasons. The room was in an uproar. The majority felt that Kevin’s analysis was incorrect. In fact, most women do want to be in a loving relationship and did not appreciate his subtle accusation that they settle just because they want to hustle a relationship.
There were many women who stood up to challenge Kevin, but two in particular left him (slightly) speechless. Let’s just say, the men in the room, were happy they didn’t have to tackle this one; Kevin was on an island by his lonesome. One of the ladies, Maria, shared about her story and her marriage. Maria summed it up by saying, “It’s not that we women settle, we have to find what works for us. First, we need to accept that there is no such thing as a PERFECT man. Secondly, you have to find out what you can work with and what are deal breakers. Last but not least, don’t choose your mate because on paper it makes sense. If you want to marry for money, you will find yourself in a lonely and empty marriage; which is no marriage at all. I married my husband because he was my best friend and he truly loved me. When I thought of someone I could see myself spending the rest of my life with; his name was what resonated. I was in no race to beat my biological clock. Though I wanted a child, I knew that finding the right mate took precedence. My husband and I have been married for going on seven years. We are proud parents of a two year old daughter. He is an amazing father but most importantly; a wonderful husband!”
Then came round II from Karen, a.k.a Ms. Mack.
Lawd have his mercy!!! Karen was the “Firecracker” of the event. Oooo chile….she didn’t hold back and we were happy she didn’t. As you could just imagine, she was not going to be gentle with Kevin. It’s cool because Kevin could handle it. However, he didn’t realize she was going for the jugular. Ouch!!! Yea…Kevin really wasn’t ready. She stated, “I think the issue is with the men. Most men, think all women want them for is money, sex, and companionship. Honestly speaking, I’ve been married and now that I am single. I learned valuable lessons about myself and what I want, and need, in a mate. I was a young bride and now that I am older and wiser, I am in no rush to shack up with just ANYBODY. No matter how much you make, how fine you look, or how well endowed your manhood; real talk! I will not settle for less than I deserve. Even if I might feel my biological is ticking…it’s better to be single than miserable and in a dead-end relationship. So, I am not sure where you are meeting THESE DESPERATE WOMEN but you won’t find ‘A woman hustling a relationship’ over here.”
As you could imagine; she smoked the microphone and then we moved on to topic #3.
Topic #3 “Is being faithful Hard? If not, then would you be ok with giving your significant other your password to your social media accounts?”
Let’s just say, the room was in a ruckus. No one, I mean, NO one was in agreement to give out their passwords. Even the one gentleman that said, it was not hard to be faithful, “depending on the individual” was not in agreement to give his mate his passwords. I understood what he meant but some of the ladies felt otherwise.
Zerlena called him on what she felt was “B.S.” about it being easy to be faithful. She believes that it is a learned behavior to be monogamous. Trust me, she didn’t care if you agreed with her statement. In fact, she broke it down and said, “We walk around in New York City, where there are beautiful people left and right. I am tempted everyday. Being faithful is a LEARNED BEHAVIOR. It does not come easy and for you to say that it is easy to be faithful. Well, that is just pure ‘Bullshit’!”
Free came on the scene to back up the brother but, honestly, Zerlena said her peace and-that was all she wrote! Free agreed that it is not easy to be faithful. However, he mentioned, “For men, we think about sex every thirty seconds. Therefore, it is much, much harder for a man to be faithful because we think with our manhood. We are visual so we can see a woman and entertain sexual thoughts and not even touch the woman. Real talk!”
Thanks for sharing that crucial information Free…but every 30 seconds. That’s deep bruh!
There were a lot of high points to the evening. For example, we had a comedienne in the house. The lovely Tanisha shared about men who don’t keep it real. Men who lie and say, “My mom lives with me”, when in fact, they live with their mothers. These men, still sleep in their full size bed, with superhero sheets and stuffed animals on their bed. Quite possibly, still have magazine clipping on their wall, as “Throwback” wallpaper. She had the room cracking up. At least five of the women in the room, can relate to this kind of man. Honestly, it’s better to keep it 100, then fronting to make yourself look like you are more than you really are. Word of advice to the fellas, stop lying to yourself.
A special thanks to Dhylles “The Coaching Cupid” for sharing her story and the exercise. At the end of the event, she instructed us to close our eyes, listen to our hearts beat and our breathing. By doing this, we are cherishing our life and each moment we have here on earth. It was a great exercise and a beautiful way to end a wonderful event.
A special thanks to my awesome Chef and amazing friend Naadira Muhammad (a.k.a Trop) for catering the event. Everyone who dined with Trop, were thankful for your superb culinary skills. We are still talking about the menu you created.
Thank you to the team that makes the dream work; Ciuella, Techla, Dhylles, and Alisa. I would not have been able to have such a smooth and effortless event, had it not been for your assistance. I love you all and appreciate you for holding me down.
Techla and Khemeka B…
Alisa and Khemeka B…
>>All photos on this post were provided by Mr. Greg Frogg, of Froggin Flicks>>
Follow him on Instagram & Facebook: Froggin Flicks
Mello Evron, CEO of Full Blossom Magazine
Pascale Duthel, Pascale Duthel Photography
Thanks to all my guest who attended the “Conversations with Khemeka B: Would I Date Me Series” on Saturday, January 17th. You all made this a successful and wonderful event.
Stay tuned for the next event in March 2015.
Be sure to follow my website http://www.khemekab.com for updates on the next event.
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2 thoughts on “Conversations with Khemeka B: Would I Date Me Series **Recap**”
January 23, 2015 at 5:42 pm
[…] Conversations with Khemeka B: Would I Date Me Series **Recap**. […]
January 23, 2015 at 8:38 pm
AWESOME SAUCE.. Its was a great and successful event with mature adults having mature conversations, with the respect of different opinions. Ready and waiting for the next one.