The wait is over, now is the time to purchase your tickets to the next “Would I Date Me” event. The event will be held on Saturday, May 16th at Pearl Studios. Don’t miss out on the early bird ticket sale and don’t miss out on this AWESOME event.
See you there.
Purchase your tickets here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/would-i-date-me-series-spring-cleaning-relationship-edition-tickets-16537166109
If there was one question you would ask the opposite sex, what would it be? Here are a few that came up in planning this event:
Do you believe in the institution of marriage? Would you stay with your mate if they cheated on you? Would you marry someone who had BAD credit? Do you want children? How long do you wait before intercourse? Does courting still exist?
Let’s skip all the questions and get to the meat and potatoes.
On a chilly Saturday afternoon, January 17th, to be exact. A group of about fifty people, age ranging from 20- 50’s, gathered to discuss some of these topics; keeping it 100. The event took place at Bed-Vyne Brew, one of Bedford Stuyvesant’s hot spots. The room was electric and filled with some sophisticated, spunky, and charismatic personalities. One in particular was radio personality, Humble Prince. He tried to take a more tamed approached but he brought his snarky and ginormous personality. He made a few new friends but a few frenemies were created as well. However, he didn’t mind, as he is accustomed to ruffling feathers wherever he goes.
He brought along a friend, who had never heard of “Courting”, which was the first topic of discussion. As, Pierre described, “I’ve spent 39 years dating and have not much to show from it. If I had known more about this ‘Courting’, maybe I would be married with kids now. But…today, I learned something new. Courting is going to be my NEW approach going forward. chuckles”
The topic was, “Does courting still exist?” and most people in the room felt it was a thing of the past. Others felt that it was hard to decipher the difference between “dating” and “courting”. There is a significant difference. As Dennis described, “I dated, then courted my wife. Dating comes before courtship. You have to date the person before you know if you want to court the person. Courting is the step before commitment and in most cases it should lead to marriage. I was not going to court someone that I couldn’t see myself settling down with. I must admit in the beginning my wife resisted me courting her. However, with time, she was able to see that I was in it for the long haul. Once she knew my love for her was real, the rest is history. We have been happily married for 3 years now. Women need to stop saying that ‘courting is a thing of the past’ maybe they need to learn the difference so they can decipher the two.”
The room digested what Dennis said but the next topic was going to be equally interesting. Mr. Prosperity Unlimited, CEO, Kevin Ferere got the room buzzing. The second topic was, “Women who hustle relationships” because they are in fear of being alone. They settle for ordinary, instead of extraordinary because their 1.) biological clocks are running out, 2.) Fear of being alone so they settle for anyone that will have them. 3.) They don’t really love the guy but he can financially support them. These women tend to get into relationships for all the wrong reasons. The room was in an uproar. The majority felt that Kevin’s analysis was incorrect. In fact, most women do want to be in a loving relationship and did not appreciate his subtle accusation that they settle just because they want to hustle a relationship.
There were many women who stood up to challenge Kevin, but two in particular left him (slightly) speechless. Let’s just say, the men in the room, were happy they didn’t have to tackle this one; Kevin was on an island by his lonesome. One of the ladies, Maria, shared about her story and her marriage. Maria summed it up by saying, “It’s not that we women settle, we have to find what works for us. First, we need to accept that there is no such thing as a PERFECT man. Secondly, you have to find out what you can work with and what are deal breakers. Last but not least, don’t choose your mate because on paper it makes sense. If you want to marry for money, you will find yourself in a lonely and empty marriage; which is no marriage at all. I married my husband because he was my best friend and he truly loved me. When I thought of someone I could see myself spending the rest of my life with; his name was what resonated. I was in no race to beat my biological clock. Though I wanted a child, I knew that finding the right mate took precedence. My husband and I have been married for going on seven years. We are proud parents of a two year old daughter. He is an amazing father but most importantly; a wonderful husband!”
Then came round II from Karen, a.k.a Ms. Mack.
Lawd have his mercy!!! Karen was the “Firecracker” of the event. Oooo chile….she didn’t hold back and we were happy she didn’t. As you could just imagine, she was not going to be gentle with Kevin. It’s cool because Kevin could handle it. However, he didn’t realize she was going for the jugular. Ouch!!! Yea…Kevin really wasn’t ready. She stated, “I think the issue is with the men. Most men, think all women want them for is money, sex, and companionship. Honestly speaking, I’ve been married and now that I am single. I learned valuable lessons about myself and what I want, and need, in a mate. I was a young bride and now that I am older and wiser, I am in no rush to shack up with just ANYBODY. No matter how much you make, how fine you look, or how well endowed your manhood; real talk! I will not settle for less than I deserve. Even if I might feel my biological is ticking…it’s better to be single than miserable and in a dead-end relationship. So, I am not sure where you are meeting THESE DESPERATE WOMEN but you won’t find ‘A woman hustling a relationship’ over here.”
As you could imagine; she smoked the microphone and then we moved on to topic #3.
Topic #3 “Is being faithful Hard? If not, then would you be ok with giving your significant other your password to your social media accounts?”
Let’s just say, the room was in a ruckus. No one, I mean, NO one was in agreement to give out their passwords. Even the one gentleman that said, it was not hard to be faithful, “depending on the individual” was not in agreement to give his mate his passwords. I understood what he meant but some of the ladies felt otherwise.
Zerlena called him on what she felt was “B.S.” about it being easy to be faithful. She believes that it is a learned behavior to be monogamous. Trust me, she didn’t care if you agreed with her statement. In fact, she broke it down and said, “We walk around in New York City, where there are beautiful people left and right. I am tempted everyday. Being faithful is a LEARNED BEHAVIOR. It does not come easy and for you to say that it is easy to be faithful. Well, that is just pure ‘Bullshit’!”
Free came on the scene to back up the brother but, honestly, Zerlena said her peace and-that was all she wrote! Free agreed that it is not easy to be faithful. However, he mentioned, “For men, we think about sex every thirty seconds. Therefore, it is much, much harder for a man to be faithful because we think with our manhood. We are visual so we can see a woman and entertain sexual thoughts and not even touch the woman. Real talk!”
Thanks for sharing that crucial information Free…but every 30 seconds. That’s deep bruh!
There were a lot of high points to the evening. For example, we had a comedienne in the house. The lovely Tanisha shared about men who don’t keep it real. Men who lie and say, “My mom lives with me”, when in fact, they live with their mothers. These men, still sleep in their full size bed, with superhero sheets and stuffed animals on their bed. Quite possibly, still have magazine clipping on their wall, as “Throwback” wallpaper. She had the room cracking up. At least five of the women in the room, can relate to this kind of man. Honestly, it’s better to keep it 100, then fronting to make yourself look like you are more than you really are. Word of advice to the fellas, stop lying to yourself.
A special thanks to Dhylles “The Coaching Cupid” for sharing her story and the exercise. At the end of the event, she instructed us to close our eyes, listen to our hearts beat and our breathing. By doing this, we are cherishing our life and each moment we have here on earth. It was a great exercise and a beautiful way to end a wonderful event.
A special thanks to my awesome Chef and amazing friend Naadira Muhammad (a.k.a Trop) for catering the event. Everyone who dined with Trop, were thankful for your superb culinary skills. We are still talking about the menu you created.
Thank you to the team that makes the dream work; Ciuella, Techla, Dhylles, and Alisa. I would not have been able to have such a smooth and effortless event, had it not been for your assistance. I love you all and appreciate you for holding me down.
Techla and Khemeka B…
Alisa and Khemeka B…
>>All photos on this post were provided by Mr. Greg Frogg, of Froggin Flicks>>
Follow him on Instagram & Facebook: Froggin Flicks
Mello Evron, CEO of Full Blossom Magazine
Pascale Duthel, Pascale Duthel Photography
Thanks to all my guest who attended the “Conversations with Khemeka B: Would I Date Me Series” on Saturday, January 17th. You all made this a successful and wonderful event.
Stay tuned for the next event in March 2015.
Be sure to follow my website http://www.khemekab.com for updates on the next event.
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Monica Writes: I met this guy and he’s really attractive, successful, educated, drama free with great credit. The problem I have is, he has a flatulence problem. He passes gas all the time and doesn’t say “Excuse Me”. I want to bring it up but fear he might think I am being anal. However, I was raised to always say “Excuse Me” when you pass gas. Not to mention, go in another room if you need to break wind. He will pass gas (very loud) and not even blink. I find this to be so ODD. I want to suggest that he go and get checked out by a gastroenterologist. Seriously, this is such a deal breaker and a turn off. My friends say I am tripping because there is no such thing as a “Perfect” man. I am not asking for a perfect man, just one that isn’t so gassy.
Am I overreacting? Should I continue to see him or stop dating Mr, Gassy?
Please help Me Khemeka B!!!
What do you all think she should do?
“Would I Date Me Series”
I didn’t grow up in a household where monogamy was demanded. As a matter of fact, my mother knew all of the woman my father was cheated on her with. Two in particular were closer than expected. One of the women was my aunt and the other her best friend from grade school. My mother never showed raw emotions when it came to my father’s infidelity. She continued to take care of me and my siblings and made sure we did our chores, and kept up with our studies. We had helpers that cooked and cleaned the home but we were responsible for doing dishes and cleaning our rooms. I guess, it was a way to teach us that, though we were fortunate, we still need to learn discipline and responsibility.
There were many nights he would stay away, most times, he’d call to check in and tell her to not wait up. On those nights, she still made sure the house mate left his plate on the table. They were instructed to not remove the plate until morning, fear he show up and his dinner not be waiting for him. She was scared of my father because he was verbally and physically abusive. My father would pinch, punch, kick, slap and push my mother into columns in the house. Surprisingly, she never fought back. It was surreal; she took every beating as if she deserved it.
My father was a heavy Scotch drinker and most would say, he was a functioning alcoholic. To my mother, he was stressed from all the headache that comes with providing for your family and being a successful business man. My mother Adijat, was no slouch. She was an intelligent and beautiful woman with a body of a goddess. She obtained her PhD at age 40, and taught classes at the top University in Nigeria. As smart as she was, it perplexed me that she never mustered up the strength to leave my father. I recall the night I came home to witness my father sitting at the dinner table with my mother, siblings, and my aunt; my fathers mistress. My mother sat there….
Stay tuned for the full story on Friday, October 10th.
Interview with Ms. Rochelle Johnson, CEO of Six Twelve Magazine
He told me that he wanted to be friends, nothing too serious, just kick it for a bit. I gladly obliged because I told myself that I wasn’t ready to be in anything complicated. We decided to meet up at Red Rooster in Harlem for some drinks. We met up and talked and shortly after decided to head downstairs to Ms. Ginny’s Supper Club. This man is the type of guy that can charm the panties off of you. He oozed sex appeal from his well groomed face, his built body, his tailored suit, and intoxicating fragrance. I was being bewitched by his swag with no protest. I played it cool, not giving him any indication that he had me. Sporadically he would check his phone and excuse himself to take phone calls. In fact, at one point, he left me for more than thirty minutes. If he weren’t so fine, I would have left his rude behind at the restaurant but I overlooked his un-gentleman like behavior. When he returned to the table, he ordered another round of cocktails before we agreed to head back to his loft in Tribeca. The angel on my left shoulder said, “Take your behind home. You know this is going to result in you having regrets in the morning.” On the other hand, the devil on my right shoulder said, “Girl you deserve to get your needs met, look at his lips, they look like they can work magic.”
We jumped in his Benz, parked outside of the restaurant and drove to his sanctuary. When I walked into his place, I took off my shoes and suddenly my body was lifted in mid-air. He hoisted me upon his shoulders and began to inhale my scent, as though he were sniffing a freshly picked rose. My head tilted back in gratification as I waited for his next move. When he carried me into his room, the candles and music took my mind and body to a far away enchantment. I was held captive until he had his way with every inch of my pulsating body. We made music with our bodies until my pelvic bone ached. His lips searched my body, until he discovered the way to make my vocals tremble. I closed my eyes when he went deep into my sea and dived slow and steady. This moment lasted as long as my climax would allow. When it was over, we spooned and dozed off in each others arms.
The morning after
I awoke to a sexy man in his birthday suit with his legs wrapped around me. I snuck out of the bed, as quiet as possible. I decided it wasn’t necessary to awake him and opt for leaving a note on his nightstand. In my mind, I had to leave quickly, last night was too good and I did not want to start catching feelings. Besides, men do it to woman all the time. They are the ones that can have sex and refrain from getting emotionally attached. I felt guilty for leaving that way but shrugged it off immediately. I reminded myself that I didn’t owe him an explanation, this is not meant to be complicated; it’s meant to be casual sex. He called me and was obviously very upset. Thought he did not ask why I left without saying goodbye, I knew he was angry. I ignored his little attitude and offered to take him to dinner the following day.
As the months went on, we became inseparable. The closer we became, the more I saw a future for us. I found myself falling deeply for him and wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. However, after six months of dating, I ended it. I realized that I had not fully healed from my last relationship. It was unfair to string him along and act as though I were ready for this committed relationship. When he was ready, mentally I was not. It was so hard for me to escape the unhealthy thoughts that constantly plagued my mind. The hardest part was letting him go. Frankly speaking, he wasn’t the issue, my broken heart was. I allowed myself to be courted and pursued, even though, I knew I was not ready. I was selfish because although I was not ready for a relationship, I feared another woman having him. I had allowed things to get complicated.
Relationships are not for the faint of heart. To take on the responsibility of someone else heart and emotions is a HUGE responsibility. You have to put in what you want to get out. Before you say you want to be someone’s WOMAN or MAN. You first need to do an assessment of your heart and mind. Personally, when it was time for me to walk away from that relationship, it was the best decision I could have made. It felt great to be brutally honest with myself and stop people pleasing. It is unacceptable to toy with people’s emotions. It took me breaking someone’s heart to learn about my immaturity. Now that I am in a committed relationship, it feels completely different. This time around, I was ready for my man because I gave myself time to heal and work on me. He is now able to get 100% of me, not a fraction. Individuals have to give their hearts time to heal before bringing people into your life. If your wounds from a past relationship are still fresh, don’t get caught up in a relationship.
It would be unfair for your mate to feel as if, they have to constantly be compared to your ex. In fact, if you are still constantly bringing up your ex, maybe, just maybe, you are not completely over them. Never run into a new relationship before you are fully over the previous one. No one deserves to be a REBOUND. Ask yourself this question, how would you feel if you knew someone was using you as a rebound? Would that make you feel secure? Would you feel special? Exactly, you would feel used and hurt. My partner had his share of heartache but he does not crucify me for his former mate transgressions. We are building and forging a healthy and meaningful relationship. The bond that we are creating, nothing and no one can and will come between us; unless we allow them to.
So, when you look at the woman in the picture above, think of strength, endurance, maturity, determination, and contentment. It takes a strong woman to admit her faults and a stronger man to get her to follow his lead.
I turned the handle and walked into the candlelit room. They weren’t aware of my presence. Her back was turned to the door, as she straddled him and moved in rhythmic motion. I walked to the foot of the bed and watched until they changed positions. He noticed me first; he immediately flung her off of him. As she hit the floor, a sadistic joy resonated through me. I found pleasure in seeing her bang her shin on the edge of the bed when she fell. That’s what you get you nasty *#@%@^! Paralyzed in shock, I stood in silence for what felt like hours. The air smelled of pure shame. The initial shock I felt was mind boggling! Do I catch a case or walk away defeated? I wanted to destroy both of them, starting with Vince. But first, let me see how it feels to put my fist through his face. I snapped and threw the cable box with force in the direction of his head. He dodged it and ran into the bathroom and locked the door. Julia sat on the floor with fear in her eyes. She screamed, “Baby!! NOOO! Please don’t do this!” Even in my rage, I could never hurt her. I was raised better than that. I ran out of the room and grabbed my gun from the linen closet. I B-lined for the bathroom, today he was going to learn. I broke down the bathroom door and searched it thoroughly. Vince, agile bastard, had jumped out the window and fled the scene.
I went back into the bedroom, sweat beads rolling down my face, where I found her on the bed in fetal position. Weakness hijacked my body as I fell to my knees, with the gun still in my hand. All of a sudden, it came; tears escaped me, accompanied with sobs. Within minutes, I felt her gentle hands on my face, wiping away my tears and kissing me softly. I felt like a baby in the only arms I found comfort. The gun fell from my grip unto the floor. I don’t recall how long we sat in silence but it was enough for me to think. A particular chain of events kept racing through my mind.Who was I kidding! I brought this to our relationship. I was the one that agreed to join Vince and his wife that night in Philly to a swinger’s party. Had I kept this lifestyle from Julia, then maybe, we would have avoided this catastrophe. I failed myself as a man and as a partner. She said she never done anything like this before and I persuaded her. My woman wasn’t a freak, at least that’s what she led me to believe.
On Cinco de Mayo, we decided to hang out with Vince in Philadelphia, PA. We drove up four hours from the DMV area. He said he had a packed scheduled for our visit. We did some touristy stuff; museum, shopping, and dinner at Ms. Tootsies. When both Julia and I eyes grew heavy, we decided to head back to the Loews hotel. Vince interjected, “Please come with us to a private party nearby”. Julia was in agreement, so we decided to go back to the hotel room to freshen up. We killed some time enjoying our suite and then took a quick nap. After our nap, we felt rejuvenated and took a quick shower together. As I began gently massaging oil on Julia’s back, my phone rang. It was Vince, “What’s up? I wanted to let you know that the less you wear, the more comfortable you will feel. No need to get suited up. Please leave the bow tie at home.”
Vince, what do you mean less is more? What kind of party is this? He laughed and said, “It’s a swingers party that my wife and I like to frequent when we are in town. It is a friendly and mature crowd of married and single couples. Everything is done in a classy, controlled, and confidential manner. Unless you’re afraid you might run into one of your students? LOL!” Mannnn, are you serious? Julia won’t stand for that. “Jay, come on cuz…didn’t you mention you told Julia your fantasy was to see her with another woman?” That’s besides the point; I’ve never been to one of these parties. All I know is what you’ve told me. What if it gets out of control? I’ll be damn if another dude even sneezes near my woman. What do I tell her? I want to go but fear her response. Help me out here, I’m interested! “Tell her that you would like your early birthday gift tonight. Just give her two shots of Hennessy, she’ll loosen right up. Trust me, I do that with my wife and she is normally swinging off the chandeliers by the time we get to the party. LOL! So are you down?” Yea, just give me twenty minutes.
“Is everything alright babe?” Sheila asked. Yes my love, let’s just have a drink before we head out. “Sure, I’m game”. Sheila replied. Let’s toast to a great night and keeping an open mind. That must have slipped past her because she said nothing. We had three rounds of Hennessy. I know I was wrong for trying to get her tipsy but she’ll forgive me. After we were feeling tipsy and mellow, we headed to meet Vince and his wife in the lobby. We walked into the party and Julia just jabbed me in my side. I half expected worst but my baby is open-minded, so she agreed to stay.
The first hour we watched and took it all in. We were the only ones fully dressed. People came up to us and asked if we wanted to “Play”. We found this all odd but didn’t know the swingers language. Then we saw her across the room. She must have been half Vietnamese and Black. She was built like a brick house- thighs and hips for days! Julia noticed her at the same time, we both said “DAYUUM!” I was almost knocked to my knees by her beauty but out of respect to Jules, I controlled my excitement. She spotted us, maybe because we were practically drooling. Seriously, we were obvious.
Hello, my name is Madam Elizabeth. I saw you both from across the room and wanted to come and introduce myself.
My name is Jay and this is my lady Julia. We apologize if we were staring but this is our first time and this is all very new for us.
Oh…newbies! I love newbies because I love to pop your cherries. I have been in the life for many years. This is my club and I personally want to welcome you. Let me show you around, there are different rooms you can visit. I trust you will find each room quite intriguing. Please Julia, take my hand, I promise I won’t bite- unless you want me to.
I was excited, mentally and visibly. We followed her around like kids in a candy store. The only difference was, instead of candy being sold, pleasure was on the menu; we couldn’t believe our eyes. There were showers, prophylactics, leather whips, neck collars, blind-folded people, videos, and things I can’t mention; surreal! We found Vince in one of the rooms with his wife and one of the off-duty officers. Let’s just say, it’s not my business what he and his wife does. By the second hour, Julia and Liz were like bosom buddies. Then it happened, so sudden, I couldn’t prevent it. Liz kissed me on my lips and I kissed her back; with no regret. Julia pulled her off me; it was obvious she felt some kind of jealousy. She stormed out of the club and I chased after her. For the remainder of the trip, she gave me the silent treatment.
When we got back home, she sat me down and addressed what happened. As we were talking, the phone rang. Sheila answered the phone and her face lit up. She hung up the phone and said, “That was Liz, she wanted to make sure we made it back safely.” What do you mean, that was Liz? “Oh, I gave her our number. Besides, she’s coming into town in a few weeks and wondered if we’d host her? I figured you would be ok with that, are you?” I am not sure how to feel, given your response to her kissing me. “NO! You mean, when you kissed each other! Don’t try to put it all on her Jay! You willingly kissed her back and you know it!” You’re right honey. I only wanted to stop the fussing and get back to watching the Heats & NY Knicks game. The sooner we get over with this, the sooner I can go back to the game.
“Jay, I think I am ready to experience this lifestyle but instead of a woman, I would like another man. What do you say?” Hell No!!! Have you lost your DAMN mind woman?! You can’t be serious! You are the BIGGEST hypocrite! She screamed.” Why is it ok for you to have your fantasy and deprive me of mine? If I can’t have my fantasy then you won’t get yours. Are we clear Jay?” Yes, we are clear. I wish we never went. Vince made it all seem so natural. “So you mean to tell me that Vince orchestrated all of this?! How could you allow another man to compromise our relationship?!” She was right; I should have never invited this into our relationship.
Liz came into town two weeks later. Julia said she’d prefer if she made it a girl’s hangout instead. I completely understood and felt relieved that I didn’t have to endure the awkwardness of seeing Liz again. I made plans to hang with my boys Jahson and Ben. We played soccer, had brunch, scotch and cigars at Oleo’s. I found it odd that Julia hadn’t checked in but I left it alone.
I got home after 11, walked into the bedroom and realized she beat me there. I saw flicking lights peeking through the bottom of the door. I turned the knob and walked in to find her soaking in the Jacuzzi. The candles were lining the perimeter of the tub. She quickly removed her eye mask, and smiled as she saw. Warmness fell all over me. “Hey Sexy! How was your day?” It was great beautiful, and yours? “It was great, lots of shopping and kissing? Beg your pardon? “You heard what I said; let me show you the pictures.” She asked me to pass her bag, which was on the floor by the toilet. I raced over to it and when I turned to walk, I saw something unusual.
Inside her bag was her underwear bunched up into a ball. I looked past that and fished out her phone. When I passed her the phone, she scrolled to show me the pictures but I had already lost interest. “What the hell is wrong with you babe?! Isn’t this what you wanted?” I’ll tell you what I wanted, as soon as you tell me why your damn panties are inside your bag? You better start talking and I mean NOW! She stood up and got out of the tub. I watched her dry herself and walk back into the bedroom; where I followed her lead. Are you going to say anything? I will not be ignored Julia! I grabbed her arm and swung her to face me. “Ouch. Get the hell off of me Jay. You play too damn much.” I stepped back and look at her face, it looked suspicious. When she spoke again, she started off with….
Thank you for reading Part II- Stay tuned to the final chapter to this series.