African

Double Standards

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June 20th was a warm day in Brooklyn, when I woke I found myself in a pool of sweat. The room was humid, you almost felt as though you could slice the air like pie. I was rudely awaken from my dream by my obnoxiously loud ringer. I wanted desperately to go back to my dream that involved me marrying Idris Elba. We were about to consummate our union, when the phone disturbed me. Oh well, it was a dream, so nothing to get excited about, thought it felt so real. When I moved my mask from my eyes and grabbed my phone resting on the nightstand, I saw the name and sent the call to voicemail. I know that’s a douche bag move but he wasn’t deserving of an answer.

He called about ten times back to back before I put my phone on silent. I stumbled out of the bed and realized my legs and arms were sore. I don’t recall the woman getting that many swings in but hey, such is life. I walked over to the window in a snail like motion. My head hurt from being hungover and my body ached from fighting. Sadly enough, I had no idea who this woman was, all I knew was she was booed up in a corner with Robert when we walked into Brooklyn Moon. I opened the window and heard the ice cream truck making its way down my block. I was tempted to run down the stairs and get me a cone but was too achy. I felt dehydrated, so I made my way to my kitchen.

When I walked into the kitchen, it was obvious that I brought some of that anger home with me. It looked like I had a fight with my kitchen. The week old bouquet of roses, which was his attempt to get back in my good graces, after I caught him with a woman, two weeks prior, were now on the floor, with the broken vase in a puddle of water. The roses lay on the floor, as dead as our relationship. I looked at my window and beneath the windowsill, laid my once mounted wine rack, and the wine bottles were at the base of the stove, thankfully unbroken. I had way too much Tequila last night. What was I thinking?! Ugh…I should had never let my boy Starrtender convince me to try his new concoction, when I stopped by Milk River. He sure knows how to make a drink. He is so darn heavy handed with his drinks though. Sigh! I surveyed my kitchen and was in shock as to the condition. I began cleaning up but was stopped suddenly by a glass that suddenly pierced my foot. Now I have to deal with a cut under my feet and blood staining my floor.

After I cleaned up the kitchen, I hobbled my now bandage foot into my living room. When I walked into my living room, I saw my home girl Naadira, passed out on my carpet, fully dressed and her “ruby woo” lips, nicely smeared on my cream color carpet. I yelled in the highest octave “Naadira, Get UP!!!” She did not budge. I walked over and nudged her with my feet. “Naadira. Get up babe!” She opened her eyes, like this was the first time she saw the light of day. I was a prick, so I walked over to my drapes and pulled them back, letting in all the BRIGHT sunlight. She sucked her teeth, like a true Trini-woman and cussed me in under her breath, in her Trinidadian jargon.

“Michelle, where’s Paula?” I told her that last I remember, her man escorted her out of the lounge. She told me to check on her to make sure. When I called Paula, she seemed pissed. She began by scolding me about her disappointment in my actions last night. I tried to interrupt and defend myself but she shut me down each time. “Michelle, you are too grown for this kind of behavior. What were you thinking?! We are in our 40’s, you looked like an immature child unable to control herself. Fighting over a man that can’t keep his ding-a-ling in his pants. Stop making excuses for his actions and own the fact that you are taking crumbs from someone unable to give you more.” I was silent and took it all in because everything she said was true. I played myself and made a fool out of myself.

I’ve been with Rob for two years, and caught him cheating four times. The first time was with his second child’s mother. The times after were with women he met at the lounge he owns in BedStuy. I resented him for opening the business. I wanted to partner with him and he told me, that privilege was reserved for his wife. Those words pierced like a knife but I had no fight in me at the time. Although it was my $40,000, he needed in order to get his business up and running. His credit was so crappy so I did like what any good woman would do and gave him the money. I thought I was being a good woman but in actuality, I was foolish for prematurely giving money to someone not willing to give me his last name.

The times I caught Rob fooling around, was not by chance, I had help. One of the security guards that likes me would always send me pics of Rob in action with the caption, “Boys will be boys. When are you going to get with a real man?!” Whenever he sent me these text, I would rush to the lounge but as I got to the door, the other security guard would act like he forgot who I was. I learned that he did that in order to give Rob a heads up that I was there. He would have me wait at the door and go inside and obviously warn my man. By the time I walked in, most of the time, in sneakers, spandex, and a t-shirt, he would have cleaned up his act. I didn’t realize then how crazy I looked walking in there looking crazy, sometimes with my hair pulled back, only thing missing is vaseline on my face.

On May 25th, the disloyal guard wasn’t at the door. My insider was working the door that night and let me in with no issues. I walked in like a hound dog, searching every corner for my cheating behind man. Finally I spotted him, caught in the darkest part of the lounge, kissing on this female I knew from the beauty salon in Clinton Hills. She knew he had a girl but could care less. It turns out that I use to date her baby father, who I wound up cutting off. The vicious cycle is a bit more complex than you’d imagine. I broke up with her baby father to be with Rob, and he broke up with her to be with me. YES, karma is a biatch!!

That night I ran up on them, she saw me coming ahead of time. She got up and positioned herself ready to defend herself. Something within me told me to rush them, so I began running towards them. As I got within arms reach, she swung at me. I ducked, caught her with a right hook to the jaw. Her cheap, .99 cent gold hoop earrings, flew across the room and her head cocked to the right. I went to hit her again but she caught me in the stomach, guess I have to pay better attention in boxing class with my trainer Nay-Shaun. He always tells me that I have a strong jab but I am poor with blocking hits. Well, when I went to kick her, Rob grabbed me by the waist, threw me on his shoulder and hauled me towards the door. I kicked and fought, calling out all kinds of obscene words to her. She stood on the platform of the seated area, smirking at me and blowing kisses. I was so heated but there was nothing I could do as the six security guards held my arms and legs until I was outside of the lounge.

When we got outside, Rob hailed a taxi, gave the driver $30, and told me he’d see me in the morning.  When I got in, I sent him a text so he knew I was safe. It was so odd but he was extremely calm. Not once did he look me in the eye, I could feel his embarrassment, shock, and anger. He arrived at 5 am, slammed the door and walked into the room, seemingly ready to argue. What happened next was something he had never done before. He dragged me out of the bed and pulled me into the living room. The living room was facing the back of the building and no one could hear my screams if he did anything to me there. It’s apparent that he was drunk and was not in his right mind. I screamed as loud as I could but no one came to my rescue. For the next ten times, though it felt like an hour; he beat me. I don’t mean the kind of beating that your parents give you. No, this beating was violent, it was laced with venom and his target was me.

After he grew tired of pounding my face and body with hits, he walked into the bathroom. As I laid on the floor, bleeding from my nose and mouth, all I could do was pray that he would not come back to beat on me some more. Moments later, I heard the shower running. I cried, screamed, but no one was there to hear my plea. At this point, my vision was blurry. I could not see through my black eye. Once he was done with his shower, he went in the room and began watching TV. Not once did he come back to check on me. He left me there on the floor, like a piece of garbage. I must have dozed off for three hours because once I awoke the clock, which was now on the floor, said 8am. The phone ringing was what stirred my slumber. I was sore, weak, and therefore; could not move. I listened for the caller-id to indicate who was calling me this early. I heard it blurt out, “Angela Bryan”, my mother was calling. I tried desperately to crawl as quick as possible to my desk. However, before I could answer, I heard Rob answer the phone in the bedroom, “Good morning! Hi Ms. Bryan! Yes, she’s good. No, she’s in the shower. I will have her call you as soon as she gets out. No problem. Have a great day beautiful!”. He hung up the phone, walked in the living room and said, “…”

Stayed tuned to Part II. Please follow this page for immediate updates on posts.

Let’s not get complicated

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He told me that he wanted to be friends, nothing too serious, just kick it for a bit. I gladly obliged because I told myself that I wasn’t ready to be in anything complicated. We decided to meet up at Red Rooster in Harlem for some drinks. We met up and talked and shortly after decided to head downstairs to Ms. Ginny’s Supper Club. This man is the type of guy that can charm the panties off of you. He oozed sex appeal from his well groomed face, his built body, his tailored suit, and intoxicating fragrance. I was being bewitched by his swag with no protest. I played it cool, not giving him any indication that he had me. Sporadically he would check his phone and excuse himself to take phone calls. In fact, at one point, he left me for more than thirty minutes. If he weren’t so fine, I would have left his rude behind at the restaurant but I overlooked his un-gentleman like behavior. When he returned to the table, he ordered another round of cocktails before we agreed to head back to his loft in Tribeca. The angel on my left shoulder said, “Take your behind home. You know this is going to result in you having regrets in the morning.” On the other hand, the devil on my right shoulder said, “Girl you deserve to get your needs met, look at his lips, they look like they can work magic.”

We jumped in his Benz, parked outside of the restaurant and drove to his sanctuary. When I walked into his place, I took off my shoes and suddenly my body was lifted in mid-air. He hoisted me upon his shoulders and began to inhale my scent, as though he were sniffing a freshly picked rose. My head tilted back in gratification as I waited for his next move. When he carried me into his room, the candles and music took my mind and body to a far away enchantment. I was held captive until he had his way with every inch of my pulsating body. We made music with our bodies until my pelvic bone ached. His lips searched my body, until he discovered the way to make my vocals tremble. I closed my eyes when he went deep into my sea and dived slow and steady. This moment lasted as long as my climax would allow. When it was over, we spooned and dozed off in each others arms.

The morning after

I awoke to a sexy man in his birthday suit with his legs wrapped around me. I snuck out of the bed, as quiet as possible. I decided it wasn’t necessary to awake him and opt for leaving a note on his nightstand. In my mind, I had to leave quickly, last night was too good and I did not want to start catching feelings. Besides, men do it to woman all the time. They are the ones that can have sex and refrain from getting emotionally attached. I felt guilty for leaving that way but shrugged it off immediately. I reminded myself that I didn’t owe him an explanation, this is not meant to be complicated; it’s meant to be casual sex. He called me and was obviously very upset. Thought he did not ask why I left without saying goodbye, I knew he was angry. I ignored his little attitude and offered to take him to dinner the following day.

As the months went on, we became inseparable. The closer we became, the more I saw a future for us. I found myself falling deeply for him and wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. However, after six months of dating, I ended it. I realized that I had not fully healed from my last relationship. It was unfair to string him along and act as though I were ready for this committed relationship. When he was ready, mentally I was not. It was so hard for me to escape the unhealthy thoughts that constantly plagued my mind. The hardest part was letting him go. Frankly speaking, he wasn’t the issue, my broken heart was. I allowed myself to be courted and pursued, even though, I knew I was not ready. I was selfish because although I was not ready for a relationship, I feared another woman having him. I had allowed things to get complicated.

Relationships are not for the faint of heart. To take on the responsibility of someone else heart and emotions is a HUGE responsibility. You have to put in what you want to get out. Before you say you want to be someone’s WOMAN or MAN. You first need to do an assessment of your heart and mind. Personally, when it was time for me to walk away from that relationship, it was the best decision I could have made. It felt great to be brutally honest with myself and stop people pleasing. It is unacceptable to toy with people’s emotions. It took me breaking someone’s heart to learn about my immaturity. Now that I am in a committed relationship, it feels completely different. This time around, I was ready for my man because I gave myself time to heal and work on me. He is now able to get 100% of me, not a fraction. Individuals have to give their hearts time to heal before bringing people into your life. If your wounds from a past relationship are still fresh, don’t get caught up in a relationship.

It would be unfair for your mate to feel as if, they have to constantly be compared to your ex. In fact, if you are still constantly bringing up your ex, maybe, just maybe, you are not completely over them. Never run into a new relationship before you are fully over the previous one. No one deserves to be a REBOUND. Ask yourself this question, how would you feel if you knew someone was using you as a rebound? Would that make you feel secure? Would you feel special? Exactly, you would feel used and hurt. My partner had his share of heartache but he does not crucify me for his former mate transgressions. We are building and forging a healthy and meaningful relationship. The bond that we are creating, nothing and no one can and will come between us; unless we allow them to.

So, when you look at the woman in the picture above, think of strength, endurance, maturity, determination, and contentment. It takes a strong woman to admit her faults and a stronger man to get her to follow his lead.

Can a Man Recover from his Woman Cheating on Him?- Part II “The beginning”

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I turned the handle and walked into the candlelit room. They weren’t aware of my presence. Her back was turned to the door, as she straddled him and moved in rhythmic motion. I walked to the foot of the bed and watched until they changed positions. He noticed me first; he immediately flung her off of him. As she hit the floor, a sadistic joy resonated through me. I found pleasure in seeing her bang her shin on the edge of the bed when she fell. That’s what you get you nasty *#@%@^! Paralyzed in shock, I stood in silence for what felt like hours. The air smelled of pure shame. The initial shock I felt was mind boggling! Do I catch a case or walk away defeated? I wanted to destroy both of them, starting with Vince. But first, let me see how it feels to put my fist through his face. I snapped and threw the cable box with force in the direction of his head. He dodged it and ran into the bathroom and locked the door. Julia sat on the floor with fear in her eyes. She screamed, “Baby!! NOOO! Please don’t do this!” Even in my rage, I could never hurt her. I was raised better than that.  I ran out of the room and grabbed my gun from the linen closet. I B-lined for the bathroom, today he was going to learn. I broke down the bathroom door and searched it thoroughly. Vince, agile bastard, had jumped out the window and fled the scene.

I went back into the bedroom, sweat beads rolling down my face, where I found her on the bed in fetal position. Weakness hijacked my body as I fell to my knees, with the gun still in my hand. All of a sudden, it came; tears escaped me, accompanied with sobs. Within minutes, I felt her gentle hands on my face, wiping away my tears and kissing me softly. I felt like a baby in the only arms I found comfort. The gun fell from my grip unto the floor. I don’t recall how long we sat in silence but it was enough for me to think. A particular chain of events kept racing through my mind.Who was I kidding! I brought this to our relationship. I was the one that agreed to join Vince and his wife that night in Philly to a swinger’s party. Had I kept this lifestyle from Julia, then maybe, we would have avoided this catastrophe. I failed myself as a man and as a partner. She said she never done anything like this before and I persuaded her. My woman wasn’t a freak, at least that’s what she led me to believe.

On Cinco de Mayo, we decided to hang out with Vince in Philadelphia, PA. We drove up four hours from the DMV area. He said he had a packed scheduled for our visit. We did some touristy stuff; museum, shopping, and dinner at Ms. Tootsies. When both Julia and I eyes grew heavy, we decided to head back to the Loews hotel. Vince interjected, “Please come with us to a private party nearby”. Julia was in agreement, so we decided to go back to the hotel room to freshen up. We killed some time enjoying our suite and then took a quick nap. After our nap, we felt rejuvenated and took a quick shower together. As I began gently massaging oil on Julia’s back, my phone rang. It was Vince, “What’s up? I wanted to let you know that the less you wear, the more comfortable you will feel. No need to get suited up. Please leave the bow tie at home.”

Vince, what do you mean less is more? What kind of party is this? He laughed and said, “It’s a swingers party that my wife and I like to frequent when we are in town. It is a friendly and mature crowd of married and single couples. Everything is done in a classy, controlled, and confidential manner. Unless you’re afraid you might run into one of your students? LOL!” Mannnn, are you serious? Julia won’t stand for that. “Jay, come on cuz…didn’t you mention you told Julia your fantasy was to see her with another woman?” That’s besides the point; I’ve never been to one of these parties. All I know is what you’ve told me. What if it gets out of control? I’ll be damn if another dude even sneezes near my woman. What do I tell her? I want to go but fear her response. Help me out here, I’m interested! “Tell her that you would like your early birthday gift tonight. Just give her two shots of Hennessy, she’ll loosen right up. Trust me, I do that with my wife and she is normally swinging off the chandeliers by the time we get to the party. LOL! So are you down?” Yea, just give me twenty minutes.

“Is everything alright babe?” Sheila asked. Yes my love, let’s just have a drink before we head out. “Sure, I’m game”. Sheila replied. Let’s toast to a great night and keeping an open mind. That must have slipped past her because she said nothing. We had three rounds of Hennessy. I know I was wrong for trying to get her tipsy but she’ll forgive me.  After we were feeling tipsy and mellow, we headed to meet Vince and his wife in the lobby.  We walked into the party and Julia just jabbed me in my side. I half expected worst but my baby is open-minded, so she agreed to stay.

The first hour we watched and took it all in. We were the only ones fully dressed. People came up to us and asked if we wanted to “Play”. We found this all odd but didn’t know the swingers language. Then we saw her across the room. She must have been half Vietnamese and Black. She was built like a brick house- thighs and hips for days! Julia noticed her at the same time, we both said “DAYUUM!” I was almost knocked to my knees by her beauty but out of respect to Jules, I controlled my excitement. She spotted us, maybe because we were practically drooling. Seriously, we were obvious.

 Hello, my name is Madam Elizabeth. I saw you both from across the room and wanted to come and introduce myself.

My name is Jay and this is my lady Julia. We apologize if we were staring but this is our first time and this is all very new for us.

Oh…newbies! I love newbies because I love to pop your cherries. I have been in the life for many years. This is my club and I personally want to welcome you. Let me show you around, there are different rooms you can visit. I trust you will find each room quite intriguing. Please Julia, take my hand, I promise I won’t bite- unless you want me to.

I was excited, mentally and visibly. We followed her around like kids in a candy store. The only difference was, instead of candy being sold, pleasure was on the menu; we couldn’t believe our eyes. There were showers, prophylactics, leather whips, neck collars, blind-folded people, videos, and things I can’t mention; surreal! We found Vince in one of the rooms with his wife and one of the off-duty officers. Let’s just say, it’s not my business what he and his wife does. By the second hour, Julia and Liz were like bosom buddies. Then it happened, so sudden, I couldn’t prevent it. Liz kissed me on my lips and I kissed her back; with no regret. Julia pulled her off me; it was obvious she felt some kind of jealousy. She stormed out of the club and I chased after her. For the remainder of the trip, she gave me the silent treatment.

When we got back home, she sat me down and addressed what happened. As we were talking, the phone rang. Sheila answered the phone and her face lit up. She hung up the phone and said, “That was Liz, she wanted to make sure we made it back safely.” What do you mean, that was Liz? “Oh, I gave her our number. Besides, she’s coming into town in a few weeks and wondered if we’d host her? I figured you would be ok with that, are you?” I am not sure how to feel, given your response to her kissing me. “NO! You mean, when you kissed each other! Don’t try to put it all on her Jay! You willingly kissed her back and you know it!” You’re right honey. I only wanted to stop the fussing and get back to watching the Heats & NY Knicks game. The sooner we get over with this, the sooner I can go back to the game.

“Jay, I think I am ready to experience this lifestyle but instead of a woman, I would like another man. What do you say?” Hell No!!! Have you lost your DAMN mind woman?! You can’t be serious! You are the BIGGEST hypocrite! She screamed.” Why is it ok for you to have your fantasy and deprive me of mine? If I can’t have my fantasy then you won’t get yours. Are we clear Jay?” Yes, we are clear. I wish we never went. Vince made it all seem so natural. “So you mean to tell me that Vince orchestrated all of this?! How could you allow another man to compromise our relationship?!” She was right; I should have never invited this into our relationship.

Liz came into town two weeks later. Julia said she’d prefer if she made it a girl’s hangout instead. I completely understood and felt relieved that I didn’t have to endure the awkwardness of seeing Liz again. I made plans to hang with my boys Jahson and Ben. We played soccer, had brunch, scotch and cigars at Oleo’s. I found it odd that Julia hadn’t checked in but I left it alone.

I got home after 11, walked into the bedroom and realized she beat me there. I saw flicking lights peeking through the bottom of the door. I turned the knob and walked in to find her soaking in the Jacuzzi. The candles were lining the perimeter of the tub. She quickly removed her eye mask, and smiled as she saw. Warmness fell all over me. “Hey Sexy! How was your day?” It was great beautiful, and yours? “It was great, lots of shopping and kissing? Beg your pardon? “You heard what I said; let me show you the pictures.” She asked me to pass her bag, which was on the floor by the toilet. I raced over to it and when I turned to walk, I saw something unusual.

Inside her bag was her underwear bunched up into a ball. I looked past that and fished out her phone. When I passed her the phone, she scrolled to show me the pictures but I had already lost interest. “What the hell is wrong with you babe?! Isn’t this what you wanted?” I’ll tell you what I wanted, as soon as you tell me why your damn panties are inside your bag? You better start talking and I mean NOW! She stood up and got out of the tub. I watched her dry herself and walk back into the bedroom; where I followed her lead. Are you going to say anything? I will not be ignored Julia! I grabbed her arm and swung her to face me. “Ouch. Get the hell off of me Jay. You play too damn much.” I stepped back and look at her face, it looked suspicious. When she spoke again, she started off with….

Thank you for reading Part II- Stay tuned to the final chapter to this series.

Can a Man Recover from his Woman Cheating on Him?- Part I “The Love is Gone and our relationship is dead”

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As I sat in the therapist office, my eyes were fixed on the wallpaper. Julia went on and on about what led her to cheat on me. I decided to break my stare from the wallpaper and look in the direction of the therapist. I could not stare at Julia because I was utterly disgusted by her. Dr. Gyepi, sat in his chair jotting down notes, as if whatever he was writing was the antidote to repair our relationship. I only agreed to this therapy session because my mother convinced me to give it a try. Julia is lucky my mother likes her, most mothers would not encourage their sons to reconcile with a cheating fiancee. When it was my turn to speak, I took a deep breath but nothing came out. As I sat there, now looking at Julia, all I could see was Vince kissing on her neck and caressing her thighs. All my emotions resurfaced. I immediately stood up, thanked the doctor for his time and walked out. Before I could reach the elevator, the doctor was behind me. He escorted me to the lobby and asked for a few minutes of my time. He told me that he understood my frustration and disappointment in Julia. However, walking out at this stage, would not bring any resolution to our problem.

As we stood in the lobby and talked, I began to calm down. Shockingly, as I stood there, tightly clutching my fist, a stream of blood flowed onto my jeans. It wasn’t until he pointed it out, that I felt the immediate shock of pain shoot through my arm. The same pain that my body felt, when I caught my fiancee having sex with my cousin. I agreed to go back upstairs, as long as she did not interrupt me when I spoke. He promised me that he would “Manage” the appointment accordingly. We walked back into the room and found her on the phone. As she saw us, she told the caller that she’d call them back and whispered, “I love you too” to whomever was on the receiving end. Immediately, I thought she was on the phone with Vince. I brushed it off and sat down next to her. She scooted over, so she could be next to me but I told her that wasn’t necessary. I gathered my thoughts and asked if I could speak now? He informed Julia that she was not allowed to speak until I was finished. She obliged. I started off by sharing the day leading up to the event.

On the first Saturday in the month of July, I made arrangements to fly back early from a teaching conference in Texas. Delta was able to accommodate me and also waived my ticket change fee. Originally, I was suppose to land at Ronald Reagan International Airport at 1am. Luckily, I was successful in getting on a flight landing by 2pm. Since this was a surprise, I couldn’t have her pick me up, so I made arrangements to have a friend meet me. Everything worked out perfectly because I was able to get her the handbag, shoes, watch, and perfume she wanted. Now, all that was left was to pick up the bouquet of flowers from the florist. As I was on my way home, I sent her a text that read, “Hey babe, so sorry that I won’t be home to ring in your birthday with you. I know you must be disappointed but tomorrow I will make it up to you.” At this point, she still thinks that I am arriving at the usual time.

To my surprise, she did not text me back, which was really odd. Normally, when I send her a text, or vice versa, within minutes their is a response. I chalked it up to her sleeping, since she just did a 12 hour shift at the hospital. As a nurse, she does 12 hours straight for three days in a row. Lucky for me, the next four days she would be off, so we could spend some time planning our upcoming nuptials. I confess, I have not been as involved in the planning process but since we have only three months left, it’s crunch time. My cousin Vince has been very generous with funding the venue (including the food & liquor), paying for the entire bridal party tailored attire, as well as paying for our honeymoon. Vince is a businessman from Ghana, with a net worth of 12 million (USD). Whenever he is in town, he treats us to dinner and on occasion; he takes us shopping. Though I am not comfortable with this treatment, I never want to turn him down, it is perceived as being rude in my culture.

Vince and I grew up as best friends until I was 12 years old and my family decided to move to the United States. We grew apart and developed a competitive streak amongst each other. He started his own Investment Banking firm in Ghana and I became a Professor at a prestigious college. All in all, we are equally proud of each others success. His wife is a doctor and an amazing mother as well. No one could have suspected what was brewing between he and Julia. The betrayal by both of them is beyond words. I mean, he knows all about the “Guy Code”, you never break it! I could never bring myself to tell his wife that whenever he’s in town, he has a hooker to warm his bed every night. Or, that he impregnated one of the nurses at Julia’s job. Sadly, she miscarried at eight weeks into her pregnancy. No, I would never violate, loyalty is what I stand by.

I had Jason drop me off at the end of the block. I did not want to ruin the surprise by getting out in front of the house. I struggled up the block with my luggage, her gifts, and this gargantuan floral arrangement. I kept telling myself, it would be all worth it once her sweet luscious lips kiss me. So I pushed forward towards my home, until stopped by my nosy neighbor. Marsha was sitting in front of her home, smoking a Virginia Slim. I tried to walk faster because she is quite chatty. “Good Evening Jay! How was your trip? You look like you are struggling hunny?” All I could think about was, getting inside and seeing my woman. Hello Marsha! Good to see you. My trip was lovely. Yes, struggling a bit but I will be find, thank you! “So, why didn’t you have the guy in the black Lexus drop you off in front of your house? It seems very odd…but then again, I found it odd when your cousin went to your house today and you weren’t home.” Excuse me! What did you just say?

She pulled her nightgown tightly around her neck, in an effort not show the lack of clothing underneath. Not sure, why a grown woman would be outside with just a robe on. I digress! She asked me to walk closer, stating, “I don’t want no one to hear your business.” I quickly obliged, as I wondered what she meant by my cousin visiting my home. Marsha looked me in the eyes and said that Vince went to the house around 10 this morning and have not left since. She even pointed to his silver S-class Benz parked at the end of the next block. I did an about face and ran to my house. As I got through the front door, I dropped my things at the base of the stairs. I climbed the steps in an antelope kind of stride. Before I opened the door, I put my ear to it and listened. Through the music playing in the backdrop, I heard her moan in sexual bliss. I reached for the door handle and turned slowly.

Thank you for reading Part I of the III Part Series of Jay and Julia. Please stay tuned for Part II

Sincerely,

Khemeka B

Knowing Your Worth- Part III “New Beginnings”

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I am beginning to think that this was all too much for me to take on. He has refused to take the paternity test, as he believes that I could have been with anyone. The nerve of this man! After he knew he was my everything. I thought I knew Philip, the man whom was my lover, best friend, and now the father to my child. I refuse to be a single parent without the support of the father. Tiffany told me that I should leave it alone and move on. But how can I move on when my heart believes that he still loves me. Am I crazy? Was it all a lie? Did he really only view me as a side chick?

All of my friends told me that I should have abort my child. I honestly could not bring myself to do it, my child is a part of me. I fall asleep every night with my hand on my tummy, placed exactly where I can feel the heart beat. It is so tranquil, it makes me so proud to know that within me is a part of Philip and I growing in unison. Does that make me a fool for going forward with this pregnancy? I beg to differ. We were a unit; it will be well between us. After having two early labor scares, I mustered up the courage to call him again. It was the night of Valentines day, he sent my calls to voicemail twice. I dialed him once more and he picked up, sounding like he had smoke coming out of his ear. “What the hell do you want, you stupid idiot?!” Hello Philip, I understand your anger but we need to talk. I would like to speak with you tomorrow after you get out of the office. I know you frequent Buka on Fulton Street in Brooklyn on Wednesday’s to watch soccer. I must meet with you in person, this is very important. “Sheila, I have no interest in meeting you and even if I entertained that idea, I have plans tomorrow.” I would only require an hour of your time. “What time are you talking about? You know that I am a very busy man! Also, how do you know that I frequent Buka on Wednesdays?” Philip, that part is not important, can you meet me at 6pm? “Ok.”

I arrived a little early, so I could calm my nerves and park in my usual spot. It’s been months since I’ve seen him. Who am I kidding, I mean, it’s been months since we have talked face to face. I see him each week, though he does not see me. I wait in my car and watch him go in and out of Buka. I don’t see anything wrong with watching him, it is not weird, though Tiffany begs to differ. I have even studied his schedule, to a science. He usually arrives at about 5:30pm but he waits in his car until 6pm. Once the parking meter rules are suspended at 6pm, he heads into the restaurant. His dinner normally consists of, Jollof rice, chicken stew, sweet plaintains, and a glass of Red Stripe. He has always loved Red Stripe, ever since we went to Jamaica on our one year anniversary. I am so thankful for the bartender Pete that likes me, he always gives me the scoop. He is a nice guy but I am not attracted to Pete, I just use him for his information. Besides, what do I look like dating someone and I am a week away from giving birth. In any event, I reward him for his information by allowing him to give me foot rubs. He has a foot fetish, so I allow him to rub my feet on Saturdays as he fills me in on all that is going on with Philip.

Pete told me that Philip and his wife have been going through a lot. He said the wife has gone back to Nigeria and refuses to come back until he cleans up his act. Apparently, Philip has sowed his seeds with another woman by the name of Adeola. Adeola, is the woman that I saw in the car with him, the night I told him I was pregnant. She is one of the Senior Vice Presidents at his firm. In addition, it turns out that she is seven months pregnant. She decided to keep it, as per Pete, because Philip said he intends to leave his wife for her. I heard she looks miserable, and they normally end the night in a screaming match. I am furious that he impregnated another woman but who am I to judge.

Philip walked into the restaurant as if he had his own theme music playing in the background. He is so cocky but it is so sexy to me. He walked up to me and smirked, though I wanted a kiss, I was elated to see him. As soon as he sat down, a whiff of his fragrance hit me like a ton of bricks. Immediately, I inhaled Chanel Bleu and wanted his scent all over me. I gathered my thoughts and said, I want you there next week when I give birth, how do you feel about that? Surprisingly, he obliged and the following week, he was by my side as we welcomed our beautiful daughter Abeo Eva Adeoye on February 22nd. He stayed with me every night, though I knew he was uncomfortable, sleeping in that awkward hospital chair, but he never complained.

Abeo has her father’s eyes and lips. She has a beautiful spirit, she does not cry much and loves smiling. Indeed, she has become my version of heaven on earth. I find that I stare at her as she sleeps, as if I fear this is a dream and I could wake from it. Her father has been with her every single day. The only draw back is crazy behind Adeola. She has come by my home twice already and have keyed my Benz and given me two flat tires. Philip said she has a brother that works at the Police Station that can locate his car, via GPS, at any time. Therefore, she has been tormenting me for the past two weeks.

I decided that this night I was going to give her something to remember. I walked out the front door and asked her why she was on my property? Oh how I wish I never went outside. Let’s just say, I asked Philip to leave that night and decided to raise my child without his help. There was a reason why Philip didn’t want me to go outside. Apparently, Adeola is the sister to his wife, yes, his sister in law and they have been having an affair for the past two years. Wait, there is more, she is HIV Positive. She went on to explain that Philip is the man she contracted the disease from. The reason why she has been coming by is because her medical insurance does not fully cover her HIV meds. Philip is suppose to pay for half and he has not been answering her calls and she has grown desperate. That’s the reason why she turned to her brother (the cop) for assistance. As I stood there, I felt as if someone shot me in the heart. I felt a sense of relief for myself, but a tremendous sense of sadness for this woman who Philip has just ruined her life.

Thankfully, he did not give me the disease, as we ALWAYS used protection. I was so grateful that me and my child dodged a bullet. Here I was, lusting after a married man, who was HIV positive. It makes no sense but honestly, if I had not gone outside that night, I could have potentially become his next victim. It has been two years since I’ve seen or heard from Philip. I heard from Pete that he has lost a substantial amount of weight. Sadly, Adeola passed during child birth and her child died the day immediately following. When Pete told me the story, I could not help but cry. Both were victims to a heartless coward, who cared little about either of their lives. I am thankful that I had the courage to move on and allow myself to love again. I am engaged to a wonderful man who loves me as much as he loves my daughter, whom he has adopted. I learned so much from my relationship with Philip. There comes a time when you have to ask yourself, if you are running after this man, then who is running after you? I grew to know my worth and will not be second best to anyone, ever again.

Thank you for reading the last installment of Philip and Sheila. I hope you liked it and will share it with others.

Disclaimer: Everything here is compiled data and does not reflect the views or opinions of Khemeka B.

Sincerely,

Khemeka B

Knowing Your Worth- Part II “A woman scorned”

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“Good Morning Honey! I made your favorite (Exeter) Corned Beef Sauce, Fried boiled plaintains, Yam and Omolette”

“Good Morning Sheila! Why are you up so early? Its 6:00am on a Saturday, are you ok?”

I am doing well my love but I had a hard time sleeping, your phone kept going off. Philip checks his phone that was stashed on the night stand. Sheila watched him scroll through his phone, waiting to see if his facial expressions would change. When he finally looked up he caught her eyes peering at him. When he realized she was expecting a response, he said, “Oh, it was my sistah. She is coming into town from Nigeria in two days with her children; you will finally get to meet her.” Deep down inside, Sheila knew that he could be lying but she ignored her “woman’s” intuition. So, she plated his breakfast she made and brought it to him as he laid in bed sending messages via “BBM.” As the day went on, she asked where his sister would be staying. He informed her that she would be staying at her friend’s home in Harlem. To her it seemed odd; clearly, if he wanted, she could have stayed with them. He convinced her that she had a friend that she went to boarding school with that would be hosting her while she visited. Obviously, he did not want her to stay with them, so she dropped the topic. The next day, Sheila had her yearly gynecology examination scheduled. As the doctor was performing the examination, he noticed something. He stopped in the middle of the exam and said, “I think we should take a pregnancy test.” Sheila agreed and after the test was complete, she was certain the test would reveal exactly what she expected. However, when the doctor told her that she was three months pregnant and that she should start taking prenatal pills, her face grew pale.

Due to her having a very playful relationship with her doctor, she thought it was a joke. She laughed at him and said, “Am I being punked?!” After the initial shock wore off, she headed home to get changed for dinner plans with Philip. On her way home, she called him to confirm that he was going to be on time. Philip obviously had issues with being punctual and tonight was not the night for him to be tardy. When she pulled into the restaurant parking lot, she noticed his car was already there. As she drove pass his car, looking for parking, she noticed that he was in the car with someone. Unaware of whom it might be, she continued in her search for parking. As she reached for her phone to call him, she reminded herself that she should not overreact. He is a friendly person, she reminded herself. He must be talking with an old friend, it must be harmless. He is a good man and he is in love with me. Once she could not find a parking spot, she drove to the parking lot across the street. Sheila decided to wait in the restaurant until the time they agreed to meet (30-minutes later). Before she could finish her second cup of sweet tea, he strolled in with a mischievous grin on his face.

She stood up to embrace him as he approached the table- boy does she love his scent; it’s hypnotic. It was enough to make her knees buckle and her palms sweaty. He knew the affect he had on her and the way she became powerless in his presence. He kissed her forehead gently, before sitting down and before he wet his lips with his drug of choice, a glass of white Hennessey. As he neared his last sip- she paused- then stated, “You are going to be a great father.” His face grew stiff, as if he had been struck by a taser gun. The look he gave her was that of disgust. He mumbled, “What did you say darling?” Sheila began crying and staring at him in despair. He quickly rose to his feet, place two crisp $100 bills on the table and walked out. As she sat at the table, all she could do was rock back and forth in her chair. Immediately, she was alone, left with her fears, tears, and now disappointment. It was more than thirty minutes before she could muster up the courage to leave the restaurant. She paid the bill and headed home. As she pulled into her driveway, she noticed that his car was parked out front.

The front door was left open, and once she stepped into the living room she noticed some of his clothes on the couch. On the counter laid the ring of keys she gave him for the garage, house, and mailbox. She walked pass the kitchen into the bathroom, where she found him gathering his grooming products. Where are you going my love? Philip looked at her and said words she never thought she would hear. “Where do you think I am going Sheila? Do you think we could continue in this manner for much longer? I am a married man; you know this was never meant to get complicated. Besides, my wife and children arrive tomorrow morning from Nigeria.” Sheila blurted out, “What!!! What did you just say?!! Your W-W-W-WIFE?! I thought you said your sistah was coming?!! You dirty, lying, sneaky, pathetic jerk!” Now, now, Sheila! You know I am married and my wife told me ALL about the conversation you two had months back. As she told you, I am not going to leave my family for some woman. Now, I suggest you do what is best and get rid of the child. Sheila picked up the blow dryer from the sink and swung and missed Philip’s head. Then she picked up the garbage pale but this time, she did not miss, as it connect with his head. As she stood there, unaware of what she had just done, crimson ran down his face.

Philip raised his hand and in a split second, he came to his senses. He yelled, “If you did not know it was over before, now you know it is over- You drew blood! Remember this face because this is the last you will EVER see it! If our paths should every cross again, I suggest you call the police. You and your baby are considered dead to me! I will never, and I repeat never, take care of you or your child!” Sheila felt her dinner coming up and she rushed to the bathroom to release the gall in her throat. Apparently she did not realize how long she stayed in the restroom. When she walked back into the living room, the harsh reality hit. Philip was gone and gone for good. The only thing he left was his scent and drops of blood on the countertop.

That night she balled out in emotional agony from her broken heart. The following week, she realized that she had a decision to make. Either have the baby or abort the growing fetus inside her. She opened up to a friend about her ordeal. Her friend told her the truth, which was hard to swallow but it was honest. In other words, her friend said, “That’s what you get for messing around with some other woman’s man!” Ouch! It hurt but that was the intent. Sheila got herself into this mess, and she needed to figure out how to get out of it. Her decision was to keep the baby, although her child may probably never know their father. As sad as that may appear, this is what happens when you put yourself in this type of situation.

Philip never called Sheila again. In fact, he changed all his numbers. He even went as far as to file for an order of protection. He claimed that Sheila had been stalking him and even went as far as bodily threats. He saved some of the text messages she sent him days after the breakup. Her text, “I am going to cut “it” off so your precious wife won’t be able to enjoy it. You will never be able to have pleasure again. I have more than that hit in the head waiting for you- I am going to be your worst nightmare- watch your back!” Well, due to the evidence, Sheila had to appear in court. When he saw her, you would have sworn he saw a ghost. He literally staggered in his tracks, as she walked into the courtroom. To his surprise, she was not charged with harassment. Due to Sheila being an attorney and knowing the judge. She was let go with nothing more than a slap on the wrist.

Even though, she despised him, seeing him again brought on mixed emotions. A part of her wanted to punch him in the face. The other part yearned to be held in his arms. All those emotions were quickly put to rest once she walked outside of the building. As she walked down the stairs, she saw them in the parking lot. There she was, a stunning caramel complexion woman, with a killer physique, standing outside of his Range Rover. The daughter jumped into her father’s arms, while the sons held their mothers hand. They were the picture perfect family. The family she envied and almost destroyed. This was the first time Sheila felt any form of guilt for her actions. When she and Philip (played house) lived together, it was wonderful but she knew it was temporary. Whenever you are the second woman, you are always on borrowed time.

Do you think Sheila was right for keeping the child?

Do you agree with how Philip handled the situation?

Do you believe Sheila will ever learn her worth?

Do you fear that she may teach her child, if it’s a daughter the same poor behavior?

Disclaimer: Everything her is compiled data and does not reflect the views or opinions of Khemeka B.

Thank you for reading,

Khemeka Beckford

Top 5 Reasons Why Men Cheat…drum roll

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This post is something rather dear to me due to the severity of the topic. It has almost become the norm for men and women to have had someone betray them by cheating on them, while in a true to the end relationship. It is apparent that oftentimes, we are clueless as to why our partners cheat. Clearly, it is hard to accept that someone whom proclaims their love for you, would then turn around and do something to jeopardize everything you have established. Nonetheless, when the reality sets in, the questions come as well. For starters, we “women” would like to understand “Why Men Cheat?” The reasons are hard to accept but real.

No. 5: You’re not getting any

Ladies, how many times do I have to tell you to take care of your man in the bedroom? Are we still elementary in terms of sexually pleasing our mate? Ok, well here is a (not so friendly) reminder. If you don’t take care of home, then somebody else will! That is not a threat, it is a promise. Men, are not emotionally connected like we are. We “women” need to set the mood, want to light candles, put on your favorite (R.Kelly or Maxwell) song to get you in the mentally and emotionally ready. You need the sheets to be at least 600-800 thread count, so it feels smooth on your skin. Then you need just the right amount of (liquor courage) alcohol to heighten your freak-o-meter. However, men (not so emotional or complicated) need nothing more than you looking sexy and being clean, oh and yes, a bed, car, counter, washer machine, table…ah…you get the point. Now you understand how simply they are and you still don’t want to give him any? I’m not saying sex is the most important part of a relationship. But it is a big part, and that is what separates friendship from a romantic involvement. If you are not willing to satisfy your partner, trust me, he has a long list of eligible candidates, simply waiting for you to blow it. We are still in a recession (jobs & men) are low in supply. If you are in a emotionally fulfilling relationship but experiencing sexual inadequate, it is almost better for a man to be by himself or step outside of the relationship. Now, ladies it is not your fault if your man is unwilling to point out the areas in your sexual life that he finds unsatisfactory. Some men, find it hard to have a difficult conversation with their partner, due to fear of hurting their feelings by dishing the truth. In these cases, they find cheating an easier solution to the ongoing problem.

No. 4: You let yourself go

Sometimes in a long-term relationship, people let themselves go. Maybe you guys are shacking up in the house more and she gained a few EXTRA pounds. Or maybe she is slacking on keeping herself together. She stop dressing up, doing her hair, nails, and everything else in between. Men are not TOO concerned if you put on a LITTLE weight, however, if you put on 50 lbs in 6 months, now they may find it a bit of a challenge. You may wonder, how I feel since I am a curvy woman. Well, honestly, I think like a man, so I try to keep in perspective how men think. For example, we are human, so we are going to fluctuate in our weight at times. However, when you go from being a size 4 to a size 14 in 6 months, now that is a new person to your man. You may say, well my heart hasn’t changed? Ok, again, back to No.5, men are not emotionally wired. They are more on the logical side of thinking, which means, they are more visual. Therefore, if he met a size 4 and now you are a size 14 and he is really attracted to a 4, well, you do the math. It all boils down to familiarity. Men are oblivious and don’t notice the transition as it is occurring. Like, you know you have to remind your man that you have a new hair cut, new bag, or wearing a new outfit. They never notice these kind of things. It is not that they don’t care about us but these things matter to chicks, not dudes. However, as oblivious as they are, one day they wake up and don’t recognize the person they have been living with. When that happens, instead of saying “Babe, let’s workout together”. For some men, they find it more appealing to just chase tail. Rather than having a (fruitless) conversation about the real culprit (your weight/personal appearance).

No. 3: Do I still have it?

Yes, you know the type, takes off his wedding band before entering the bar. Although, we “single women” can spot the faded white line that his wedding band left, from across the room with our bionic eyes. He hangs by the bar with his bros, and his eyes wonder and waits for his chance to strike up conversation with a beautiful woman. He may even try to go as far as seeing if you would invite him over to your home later. All in hopes that someone would find him attractive and appealing enough. Everyone has a deep-seated need to feel wanted and attractive. It is not enough to know that your partner finds you to be attractive, nope, you want the public at large. A secure man may just want to have a casual flirt with the opposite sex, that may be enough to put a pep in his step. On the other hand, the insecure man, he needs to score in order to feel validated. If you combine the sexually deprived No.5 then cheating is bound to occur.

No. 2: She cheated on you

Fellas, if she cheated on you, then she has already emotionally checked out. Therefore, if you cheat on her, it won’t do much damage. I get you want her to feel the pain she inflicted on you but it is meaningless. Your best bet is to cut your losses and move on. When women cheat, it is due to emotionally being deprived. In addition, if you are not satisfying her in the bedroom, she may stray as well but not as often as a man would. We are not children, therefore, if she cheated, then you already lost her. When men are cheated on, they are not as forgiving as women are when they cheat on us. Men treat this as the ULTIMATE slap to their ego. They find it almost impossible to get over this hurdle. In many cases, they have a very hard time trusting their heart to another when it is shattered in this way. It is clearly a double standard, they can do unto us but we cannot do unto them.

No. 1: You don’t love her anymore

Yes, the #1 reason why men cheat, they fall out of love with you. It is hard to write but we have to respect when that time has come. It does not matter what you do, say, or how much you are willing to fight. When he is out of love, it is simply over. As a test, go and have sex with an ex lover you no longer have feelings for and tell me how it went. Was it everything you wanted and dreamed of? No, absolutely not, when emotions are removed, we are just two people shagging. Love is what we affix our emotions to in a relationship. When that is absent, then no longer is there a need to give our all. Such is the case when a man has decided to emotionally check out. Honestly, if a man has emotionally checked out it is best that he just end it instead of cheating. Frankly speaking, cheating is a sure sign of immaturity and cowardice behavior. If he cheats because he no longer loves you, then he is not deserving of you anyway.

 

Now you know some of the Top 5 reasons why men cheat. I am curious to hear your feedback- please leave a comment below and thanks for stopping by my page.

 

Best,

 

Khemeka B.