lost
Top 5 Reasons Why Men Cheat…drum roll
This post is something rather dear to me due to the severity of the topic. It has almost become the norm for men and women to have had someone betray them by cheating on them, while in a true to the end relationship. It is apparent that oftentimes, we are clueless as to why our partners cheat. Clearly, it is hard to accept that someone whom proclaims their love for you, would then turn around and do something to jeopardize everything you have established. Nonetheless, when the reality sets in, the questions come as well. For starters, we “women” would like to understand “Why Men Cheat?” The reasons are hard to accept but real.
No. 5: You’re not getting any
Ladies, how many times do I have to tell you to take care of your man in the bedroom? Are we still elementary in terms of sexually pleasing our mate? Ok, well here is a (not so friendly) reminder. If you don’t take care of home, then somebody else will! That is not a threat, it is a promise. Men, are not emotionally connected like we are. We “women” need to set the mood, want to light candles, put on your favorite (R.Kelly or Maxwell) song to get you in the mentally and emotionally ready. You need the sheets to be at least 600-800 thread count, so it feels smooth on your skin. Then you need just the right amount of (liquor courage) alcohol to heighten your freak-o-meter. However, men (not so emotional or complicated) need nothing more than you looking sexy and being clean, oh and yes, a bed, car, counter, washer machine, table…ah…you get the point. Now you understand how simply they are and you still don’t want to give him any? I’m not saying sex is the most important part of a relationship. But it is a big part, and that is what separates friendship from a romantic involvement. If you are not willing to satisfy your partner, trust me, he has a long list of eligible candidates, simply waiting for you to blow it. We are still in a recession (jobs & men) are low in supply. If you are in a emotionally fulfilling relationship but experiencing sexual inadequate, it is almost better for a man to be by himself or step outside of the relationship. Now, ladies it is not your fault if your man is unwilling to point out the areas in your sexual life that he finds unsatisfactory. Some men, find it hard to have a difficult conversation with their partner, due to fear of hurting their feelings by dishing the truth. In these cases, they find cheating an easier solution to the ongoing problem.
No. 4: You let yourself go
Sometimes in a long-term relationship, people let themselves go. Maybe you guys are shacking up in the house more and she gained a few EXTRA pounds. Or maybe she is slacking on keeping herself together. She stop dressing up, doing her hair, nails, and everything else in between. Men are not TOO concerned if you put on a LITTLE weight, however, if you put on 50 lbs in 6 months, now they may find it a bit of a challenge. You may wonder, how I feel since I am a curvy woman. Well, honestly, I think like a man, so I try to keep in perspective how men think. For example, we are human, so we are going to fluctuate in our weight at times. However, when you go from being a size 4 to a size 14 in 6 months, now that is a new person to your man. You may say, well my heart hasn’t changed? Ok, again, back to No.5, men are not emotionally wired. They are more on the logical side of thinking, which means, they are more visual. Therefore, if he met a size 4 and now you are a size 14 and he is really attracted to a 4, well, you do the math. It all boils down to familiarity. Men are oblivious and don’t notice the transition as it is occurring. Like, you know you have to remind your man that you have a new hair cut, new bag, or wearing a new outfit. They never notice these kind of things. It is not that they don’t care about us but these things matter to chicks, not dudes. However, as oblivious as they are, one day they wake up and don’t recognize the person they have been living with. When that happens, instead of saying “Babe, let’s workout together”. For some men, they find it more appealing to just chase tail. Rather than having a (fruitless) conversation about the real culprit (your weight/personal appearance).
No. 3: Do I still have it?
Yes, you know the type, takes off his wedding band before entering the bar. Although, we “single women” can spot the faded white line that his wedding band left, from across the room with our bionic eyes. He hangs by the bar with his bros, and his eyes wonder and waits for his chance to strike up conversation with a beautiful woman. He may even try to go as far as seeing if you would invite him over to your home later. All in hopes that someone would find him attractive and appealing enough. Everyone has a deep-seated need to feel wanted and attractive. It is not enough to know that your partner finds you to be attractive, nope, you want the public at large. A secure man may just want to have a casual flirt with the opposite sex, that may be enough to put a pep in his step. On the other hand, the insecure man, he needs to score in order to feel validated. If you combine the sexually deprived No.5 then cheating is bound to occur.
No. 2: She cheated on you
Fellas, if she cheated on you, then she has already emotionally checked out. Therefore, if you cheat on her, it won’t do much damage. I get you want her to feel the pain she inflicted on you but it is meaningless. Your best bet is to cut your losses and move on. When women cheat, it is due to emotionally being deprived. In addition, if you are not satisfying her in the bedroom, she may stray as well but not as often as a man would. We are not children, therefore, if she cheated, then you already lost her. When men are cheated on, they are not as forgiving as women are when they cheat on us. Men treat this as the ULTIMATE slap to their ego. They find it almost impossible to get over this hurdle. In many cases, they have a very hard time trusting their heart to another when it is shattered in this way. It is clearly a double standard, they can do unto us but we cannot do unto them.
No. 1: You don’t love her anymore
Yes, the #1 reason why men cheat, they fall out of love with you. It is hard to write but we have to respect when that time has come. It does not matter what you do, say, or how much you are willing to fight. When he is out of love, it is simply over. As a test, go and have sex with an ex lover you no longer have feelings for and tell me how it went. Was it everything you wanted and dreamed of? No, absolutely not, when emotions are removed, we are just two people shagging. Love is what we affix our emotions to in a relationship. When that is absent, then no longer is there a need to give our all. Such is the case when a man has decided to emotionally check out. Honestly, if a man has emotionally checked out it is best that he just end it instead of cheating. Frankly speaking, cheating is a sure sign of immaturity and cowardice behavior. If he cheats because he no longer loves you, then he is not deserving of you anyway.
Now you know some of the Top 5 reasons why men cheat. I am curious to hear your feedback- please leave a comment below and thanks for stopping by my page.
Best,
Khemeka B.
Lost & Found
I realize as human beings that we decide who we choose to give our hearts to. It is not easy to open up to others, especially when you are not certain how they will reciprocate. Oftentimes we search for quality people because in this world we live in, more often that we suspect, people don’t always have the best intentions. Though they appear as they are genuine, their true self always gets revealed. Moreover, we are not psychics so we are unable to decipher who will be the real deal. Realistically, we cannot live our lives without giving people a chance to show their true colors. It is inevitable for us to learn to accept people for who they are and then you must adjust accordingly.
Recently there was a shift in my life, a shift I did not foresee happening, nor did I plan for it. The shift felt more like a shove, a punch, a swift kick to the jaw. The pain was instant and the hurt was deeper than a sword being forced deep into your heart. The sword however, cut both ways, and the blood (which was the pain and disappointment) poured through me and spilled into every crevice of my life. Though on the outward it appeared as though I was fine, inwardly I was slowly decaying. At that moment in time, I lost something, someone, very close to me. I thought of ways to get back what I lost because to me, I prefer quality over quantity any day. Not to mention, the minuscule thing that brought about the dissension was not worth me risking the lost of someone that important to me.
However, it was not up to me to decide when the reconciliation should commence. It has to be something both parties wish to engage in. If either party is not willing to have closure, then trust me, it will not be resolved. In my efforts to reconcile, I realized that there was more bad than good. It was confusing to me that I kept this individual in my life for such a lengthy period of time. To add to, acceptance was painful because I had to accept that this person was not truthful about how they felt about me. One thing that I respect is honesty but I have no tolerance for phoniness. If you are for me, then “Hooray”, if you are not, then communicate what is bothering you. No one person is perfect, so it is obvious that you are going to say, do, or even act out in a way that may be deemed inappropriate.
Therefore, I can respect when someone who claims they (love you like a fat kid loves cake) tells you how something you are doing or done is affecting them; at whatever capacity. What I do not appreciate is when that individual chooses to hold things inside and when they (unleash the dragon) attack you by bringing up stuff that happened years prior. No matter how truthful the claim, it is not fair to the person on the receiving end to be confronted with past issues, that were never brought to their attention. Nonetheless, as I sat and listened to the verbal lashing, I wondered, how many times have I been around this person and never, NOT ONCE, did they mention their true feelings.
Inwardly sitting there and listening felt like a brutal attack. I heard things that I did that I forgot that I did and stuff too long ago to remember, so I had no recollection because unbeknownst to me, their had been an underlying issue. Needless to say, when it came time for me to defend myself, it fell on deaf ears. I learned a great deal from that situation and hopefully, someone out there in cyber world can learn from what I endured.
For starters, avoid the following…
1) Don’t wait years to bring up things you don’t particularly like about your friend.
2) Don’t act like everything is cool if in essence, it really is not.
3) Take ownership for your part in the situation and don’t get defensive. Well at least TRY not to be defensive
4) Listen very careful to what they are saying
5) Forgiveness does not mean you will go back to being friends
6) Respect how people handle things, even if you don’t agree with their approach (we are all human beings and we all deserve the same respect)
7) Don’t use social media to air your dirty laundry (you can’t bad mouth someone conducting a matter in a classy way but ratchetness is and will always land you in the Hall of Shame)
8) Being silent does not mean you are weak, it is a true reflection of your strength
9) Learn what it means to choose your friends wisely
Lastly, I shared what I lost and briefly I will share what I found. I found out that I was friends with an enemy for 5 years and did not know it. I found out that you can forgive and not hate. I learned that the best part of being me is having a loving heart. I found out that when I hurt, it hurts those closest to me. They hurt because I am not myself and I become a shell of who I truly am. Today I am wiser and stronger than I was 8 weeks ago. In time I trust that I will fully recover from this lost but today is a good day. My bruise hurt but it is what it is, a bruise, it is meant to hurt in order to connect with the pain. The pain is my friendly reminder to be more careful of who I let into my heart and life. Honestly speaking, I could never really hate someone that I loved in the way I loved that person. In other words, I love this person even to this day but I DISLIKE who they have become. For that reason, I release my anger so that I can heal.
Sincerely,
KB
Khemeka B. 