How can you identify a man that is emotionally unavailable? Could you be dating someone that is emotionally unavailable? What precautions can you take to AVOID Mr. Emotionally Unavailable?
We all have a story of dating someone emotionally unavailable. I know my guys out there have dated a woman that was emotionally unavailable. However, this is a personal story and I hope you can learn from my experience and prevent or remove yourself from an emotionally unavailable relationship.
Let’s just start by saying, he looked good on paper. He was educated, ambitious, tall, confident, handsome, homeowner, stylish, great credit, funny, down to earth, sports lover (yes, a pre-requisite for me), and in great shape. He could charm the pants off of you with his silky smooth way of talking. Besides, he didn’t become an Executive for nothing. He was the best at what he did and boy did he know it. He was happy to have befriended a younger woman, 10 years his junior to be exact. We went to the best restaurants, concerts, trips, galas, and family functions. It wasn’t too much for him to spend as much as it took to keep me smiling. Moreover, what man wouldn’t want to learn the art of keeping his woman smiling? But I digress…let’s just say this; I was happy and mesmerized by my man. He didn’t rush me to give of myself when I was not ready; he was patient and a complete gentleman. Doesn’t this story just sound so amazing? So, where did it go wrong you might be wondering?
My relationship on the outside appeared to be the ideal relationship. However, what most didn’t realize was that I felt lonely in my relationship. Although he was generous with his money, with his time and heart, he was the stingiest person. Some men believe that if I am giving you money, then you should be content. The reality is women want quality time, not your money, your presence would suffice. He figured, you live in this big house, you have a nice car to drive, you have a home filled with nice things, and the bills are paid; what more do you want? In his mind I was ungrateful for asking for more but realistically, what I was asking for was the simplest thing. Mr. Emotionally Unavailable can give anything that is tangible but the intangible he cannot and will not give. His heart, the most intangible thing was so hard to give to the woman he claimed to love. I stayed in this relationship longer than I needed to. Regardless of how many times I requested to have more of his heart and time, my request fell on deaf ears. It got to the point where we would be in the house and not speak. It was as if we were roommates instead of lovers. Sadly, I decided to end it after 3 years. Before I moved out of the house, I decided to give him an earful of how I felt. Surprisingly, he knew that he was emotionally unavailable. He admitted that he was only comfortable with a woman getting close enough where he could still control his emotions. He said, he could not risk falling in love because then he would lose control.
How can you identify someone emotionally unavailable? One of the signs is, if he is ok with spending money but not comfortable with talking about how he truly feels about you. If after years of dating he is not interested in putting a ring on it, this is a sign. If he says you are his girl but all you do is go to his house and warm the bed, but hardly go out on dates, yup a major sign. Or if your situation resembles mine, then you are in dating someone emotionally unavailable. These are just a few things to get the wheels in your brain turning. Now, this does not mean you go and pick an argument with the guy you are dating and accuse him of being emotionally unavailable. Please don’t do that…let’s take a step back. What you should do is assess your relationship and ask yourself some simple questions. Please Read below!
Could you be dating someone who is emotionally unavailable and what precautions can you take to AVOID this type of man?
1) If you have been dating him for more than three months and his idea of a date is you coming to his place or vice versa and all you do is have sex. Honey you are dating someone who is emotionally unavailable because all he wants is sex not a relationship…RUN!
2) If you are living with each other and you may have his children but he does not want to get married. If his reasons are, it’s not a big deal because we already live with each other. Proceed with caution because he is emotionally unavailable. Men when they find their RIB aren’t afraid to make any form of commitment. I know some men who were ROLLING STONES (The Temptations, “Papa was a rolling stone”). However, when they met their RIB, they were ready to put their ways to the side and seal the deal.
3) The best precautionary measure is to make your partner aware of what your expectations.
a) If you are not looking for a sex partner- then during your courtship, avoid dates in each others homes- it always leads to the bedroom.
b) If you want to have children- then don’t date a man that says “I don’t want children or anymore children”. If he is being honest, then you be honest by not going any further in your courtship.
c) If you want to get married- don’t, I repeat, DON’T date a man that says he doesn’t believe in marriage. If you date this man then you have to accept what you get in return (no ring).
d) If you want a commitment- Stop dating men who already have girlfriends or wives. Accept the fact that you are the other woman you will never be number 1. Even if they leave their girlfriend or wife for you, who’s to say, he won’t cheat on you? Trust me, you are not that fly! Do not lie to yourself and think that you are exempt from being cheated on.
I would love to hear your input on this post. Please share if you have had experience dating someone that was emotionally unavailable. What steps are taking to avoid dating this type of person in the future?
Thanks for stopping by my page